I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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