I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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