Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
