At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
