Im at strip club and am horny
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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