I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
