I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
