Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
