She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sarcasm needs its own font
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
