I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We got so high we made milksteak
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
