also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
