she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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