Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
