so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
