professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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