she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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