I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
