went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
