so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
