How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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