we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
...so i touched it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
