This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
