AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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