You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
