New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
