you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
