After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
