We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
