i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
