im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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