thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
