FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
