One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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