Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
