He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
