Welp...herpes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
