Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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