when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
