Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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