4 words: hood of his car
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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