That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
