fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
