One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
