thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
