btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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