Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
50% drunk capacity currently
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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