just tell him i said nine months
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
