This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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