im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
where does the pee come out of this thing
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i believe in u and ur pee
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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