So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
