Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
