i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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