I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
