Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
zippers are such a cool invention
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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