On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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