You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
