wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
