I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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